What are the most common misconceptions people have about demon summoning?

To do that, you’ll have to conjure something a lot stronger.

It’s easy.

Right. You think that if you just act a little sweet towards the Devil, and tell him a sob story, he’s going to pull out a contract, and you’ll have complete power to have him grant any wish you can name. Not.

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I mean, as in deeply, romantically, long walks in dark damp forests or windswept grasslands love, raptly listening to her talking for hours about her feelings and what a bitch that other girl is in Social Studies class. They love virgins, and there’s nothing better than to lose it to a demon. Who knows? You might just get changed into one and get spirited away to Hell and blissfully raise a whole lot of little Hellions in an infernal suburb of the City of Dis.

Sorry, it just doesn’t work like that. Demons hate humans. Deeply, categorically, and completely. No, you’re not the one in ten billion souls that’s different. No, you’re not going to get a “good one”. It takes a huge amount of energy out of both of you in order to keep him on the Surface for a few minutes. Also, he’s not human. He very likely doesn’t care about your cute butt and your skintight black dress with a pentagram boob window. He sees a thousand naked women every day. With their guts spilling out. If you want to get a boyfriend, ask him to find you a good mortal.

Many demon “summoning” stories have to do with someone who opens a spooky-looking book, with clasps and gems set in the cover, and all, and either reads something out loud, or copies a pattern, or maybe the book just falls open, and poof! There’s a puff of sulphurous smoke and…a demon appears!

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Actually, it takes about five years of training to learn how to “raise” (the more correct term) a demon. Every piece of gear that should be used has to be specially cleansed and consecrated, and often there are assistants that have to be trained and also consecrated to the task. The choice of the demon should be considered carefully: are they up to what you want them to do for you? Are they suited to your level of experience? What is the best date, time and place for them to be raised? Have you meditated enough to be able to detect them? Have you fasted and prayed enough?

Demons love mortal teenage girls.

It’s that hard.

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Wrong on both fronts. Although the demon is in a small “demon trap”, the trap is outside the circle. The reason why you often see a witch or wizard outside the circle is because it’s a lot easier to film that way — and illustrators often want to show that the circle has all kinds of sigils and so forth on the circumference.

Maison Margiela must make a fortune selling split-toe sneakers to B-grade movie costumers, to pair with jeans with a hole cut in back for a tail and fake horns peeking out from a backwards baseball cap and bitty cute fangs. Actually, demons can manifest as a wisp of smoke, an odd smell in the air, or simply a “feeling”. That may be accurate, but it doesn’t make for good cinema.

Fact is, they hate being called up onto the surface and don’t give a damn about mortals, who keep taking them away from work to try to bum money and sex off them. What you’ll get from those ancient texts is that you have to treat demons as prisoners and/or slaves, and force them into doing what you need done. (This is according to the Goetia, not some modern demonolator.) And how do you do that? You threaten them with sigils! (And you thought they attracted demons…) If that doesn’t work out, you pull a crucifix out, and say, “Obey, or else I’m going to call Security.”

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Angels.

The circle is for the demon, you’re on the outside. Demons often break free, and only specially trained magicians can banish them.

For the rest of your life, which may not be long.

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Demons look like an actor with a “demon costume” and SFX makeup.

First, he picks you, not the other way around, and once you sign on the dotted line, he’s in charge of your life, and what he says, goes.

Demons love to help humans.

How do you complete “Ciao bell'uomo, come stai oggi, buongiorno signore, sono Jennifer Rose Louis, come ti chiami”?

Banishing is actually something that you learn early and practice often, even if you aren’t doing anything else Magickal that day. I’ve often wondered why Evangelical preachers are so afraid of demons when even a Minerval in the O.T.O. could brush them away like a cobweb. Again, this is for dramatic effect in romantasy novels, which are not grimoires.

But, what if I want to do something else…? You know, Mr. Big?

In short, they’ll get you what you want, but never what you need.

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